Sometimes change feels as slow as molasses

Am I a patient person? I would say maybe about some things. I would not say I am naturally patient. I am patient with children and people out in public, but when it comes to myself, I’m not sure that I am all that patient. I have been working and growing and changing. Sometimes, it feels like nothing has changed, but then, I realize it has. Sometimes, change is slow. Sloooowwww. I think when you are putting so much effort into something you want big rewards.(A big bang for your buck so to speak) This is why it is also important to have fun. I have found various activities that I find fun and nourish me in so many ways. I try to do these as much as I can so that I’m not just sitting around “being self-aware and processing emotions all day.” I try to add things to my life besides work and the daily grind that throws a splash of color onto a white canvas. I try to dance when I can and cook to the sounds of spanish guitar.(on my iPod) I try to laugh with friends, garden, and soak in the sunlight. But sometimes, I grow impatient. I see what I want, and I want it now. On the other hand, if I knew it was coming in a week, I could wait. If I had certainty that change was coming and coming in the way I want, I would be fine with that as well. But, do I know change is coming? Can I control every outcome? No, all I really can do is work on the here and now, on what I can control at this very moment. So, I slooooowwwlllly move towards acceptance, dragging my feet every step of the way. Tonight, I celebrate the small victory that is me reaching out to type my emotions on the keys of this computer instead of sulking in a corner.(Like I actually feel like doing)  I celebrate what I can not see, touch or feel. I celebrate the invisible web that weaves together the small victories and creates big victories. I accept that this is not easy, no one ever promised me easy. So, am I patient? I guess I am learning how to be. 

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