Dear Younger Me…

Dear Younger Me,

In about 15 years you will come to a point where you realize that you are obsessed with your body and obsessed with food. You will, as usual, be seeking help to lose weight, but find something even more profound and important than weight loss ever could be. You will realize your troubles aren’t actually about the food,  but are because you are obsessed with your body and obsessed with food. You will realize that all of this is wrapped up in emotional, physical, and spiritual pain. Through the support of others and a lot of work, you will realize that you have an eating disorder and have had one for many years. You will realize that by constantly focusing on a crippling need for weight loss, you have actually created an unhealthy relationship with food. You will begin to realize that there are other ways to see this beautiful world. Dear younger self, I am doing so much work now to undo all those years of restricting and feelings of deprivation. Every single day I make a choice to do my best to not use deprecating words about myself or my body. Remember all of those horrible things you said about me? Remember how you put me down? Remember how at any weight, I never quite looked good enough? I don’t blame you younger self, because you were young, and you thought you were doing your best. In fact, everyone else around you seemed obsessed with their bodies too. Remember how you weighed yourself constantly, and even used a tape measure around your legs, calves, neck, stomach and arms? Remember, how you would keep notebooks of these measurements including your weight? Remember how you would not drink water before bed sometimes because you thought it might make the number on the scale go up in the morning? As I reflect back on these activities, I remember that even as you measured your whole body, you thought these activities were completely normal. I think maybe you even thought they meant you were motivated. I remember even just 8 years ago, you told someone that when you were in high school, you might have had some restricting tendencies, but did not do that anymore. What you didn’t see, or couldn’t see was that ALL of these activities were a part of your eating disorder. What if I would tell you that 15 years later you would love your body more at a much larger size than you do now? What if I told you that intuitive eating and listening to your body are actually the most important things. What if I told you that you would give up counting calories, points, carbs, or fat grams? What if I told you that if you start now younger self at loving yourself and your body, 15 years later you will already be well on your way to ending your obsession with food? What if I told you that you could be free of all of this, but you needed to loosen the reigns on the dieting and restrictions? Would you be willing to do it? Would you be willing to embrace life and say yes to yourself? Would you?

Love,

Your much wiser older self.

P.S.

I love you.

9 thoughts on “Dear Younger Me…

  1. It’s a shame when a parent decides that their child doesn’t measure up and that is the reason and beginning of an eating disorder problem. The concern may not have been in or on that child’s mind in the first place. Shame really, and now having to deal with peers also.

    Like

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