“I was bad…

“I was bad this weekend…I cheated on my diet, I was good, or I only ate xyz.” This can even go so far as “I had a bad weekend.” When asked why we state, “because I ate everything in my house.” Thus, the definition of the entire weekend or worse you as an individual is solely based on how you ate.

How many times have we heard this and or said it ourselves? How many times have we become wrapped up in this scenario of self blame or judgement? When we take a step back with objective eyes this situation looks like a person exhibiting a behavior in response to something. However, when we are wrapped up in the emotions, it can feel like the house of cards is crumbling down around us. What if I told you that whatever food you choose to put into your mouth, your self-worth remains THE EXACT SAME!!! What??? That’s right! You may even know this intellectually, but how do we feel when we “go off our plan.” Here are some emotions I have felt when, “going off a plan.”

Emotions felt when “going off a plan”:

Out of Control

Like I am drowning

Disgust

Self Hatred

Shame

Guilt

Disillusionment

You get the picture….None of them are nice and none of them support me to live a happy life. But none the less they creep in and thus, I must acknowledge their presence. Hello thoughts!

So some want to refrain the phrase above and say, well I am still good, just my eating is bad. I STILL HEAR JUDGEMENT!!!!!

It is scary to detach ourselves from judgement. Judgement keeps us safe. It denotes some form of control. I might think subconsciously  for example, “if I am judging myself at least I know my actions are not ok. Thus, somehow I am still an ok person.” hmmmm what is wrong with this?  Well, Shame for starters. Shame stops us from getting to know ourselves better and from learning. Instead, we feel like a school child forced to sit in a corner. We may even feel like I am going to judge myself before anyone else does.  What else might we say when faced with a difficult situation where we feel the urge to judge ourselves? We might say that’s interesting let me examine my emotions or my feelings when I made those choices. Let me also throw myself some self compassion and self-love while I am at it. I might even picture myself being wrapped in a really warm blanket of unconditional love. ALL GOOD OPTIONS. Let me also believe and understand that I can let go of judgement because I am enough, I am safe, and I am whole.

Society tells us our self-worth is dependent on any number of things we may(in society’s opinion) do good or bad. But I am calling bullshit on that one. The first step is to notice that voice of judgement speaking to you. After awhile its voice becomes softer and softer. A new voice creeps in, called self-confidence.

3 thoughts on ““I was bad…

  1. “Shame stops us from getting to know ourselves better and from learning.” Jeez, Mermaid, how are you so wise at a young age? I am seriously cloaked in shame and self-judgment, and wish I could let go of that shit. Loving your blog.

    Like

    • Dear Jethag,

      First of all thank you so much for your kind words. You have no idea how much they mean to me. I am so happy my blog was able to speak to you. This is why I write. It is my wish that we can all love ourselves unconditionally and let go of judgement. I am still working to do this every day. Your words of being cloaked in self-judgement and shame tell of familiar feelings I have certainly felt. I would say however, that you are on the right track. Admitting and seeing these feelings and emotions are usually the first step towards shifting to a place of acceptance. I have done so slowly, trying to be patient a long the way. I do thank you for reading and want to let you know it is ok to let go a bit of some of the feelings of self-judgement.
      – A Mermaid.

      Like

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